Bittersweet

Last night and tonight have been the start of something bittersweet....

If all goes according to plan, last night was my last time nursing Avery at bedtime (or anytime for that matter!).

I just decided it was time....

She has been down to nursing only once a day for at least a month now. I know she's not getting much anymore because I don't really hear her swallowing much. I have a feeling she wants it more out of habit and routine and to help her fall asleep.

I figured it would be easier to break it now then to wait until she's ready-heck, that could be months from now! And I thought the older she got, the harder it might be to break her of it.

So last night was it. Why last night? Well, I wanted to have a few days after at home in case I get engorged or uncomfortable at all. I think the chances of that are slim, but didn't want to take a risk. I had to work today, but am off the next four days for the long Labor day weekend so I thought it would be a good time.

It's been emotional though I will say. Last night while she nursed I tried to drink up every last second of it. I didn't rush her or anything and I just savored the time with her. I shed a few tears (and am shedding some now) while looking at that sweet face and thinking of our journey.

I went into breastfeeding very open-minded. I knew I wanted to try it, but if it didn't work out for us, it wouldn't have been the end of the world. It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. It's stressful, time consuming, painful, and exhausting. But the rewards are countless. No matter how hard it was, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I honestly didn't think I would be so emotional about it ending, but I am.

I'm going to miss my bonding time with her-but I keep telling myself I can still bond with her, it'll just be in different ways. Plus, now Gabe can look forward to doing bedtime with her as well.

Tonight was the first night of not nursing her. I wasn't sure how it would go for either of us. We gave her a bath first, then Gabe got her dressed and ready for bed. I went in and we all read a story together. Once it was done, she started signing milk and looking at me. I picked her up and gave her some hugs and a kiss and Gabe told her he was going to give her milk tonight. She went back to him and drank out of her sippy cup (which is also new-she usually does a bottle if not nursing). He rocked and sang with her then put her to bed. About 10minutes later, she was sound asleep. It went so much easier than I anticipated. And I held up ok until I started writing this. I just hope it continues to go this smoothly!

I am finally going to have my body back....it's been almost 2 years since my body has been my own.

It will be mine.

And I will feel free.

And I'm proud that I nursed my baby for 14 months.

Rough Stage....

Lately it seems that Avery changes and learns new things daily. I have her baby book out and update it when she does something new-I think I've written in it almost everyday this week.

She has started her own version of dancing which is so cute. When she hears music or you ask her to dance, she'll do it.

Her new phrase is "nananana".

She has pulled up to stand before, but starting a day or two ago, it's constant. That's all she wants to do is stand up. Especially in her crib-as soon as you set her down, she stands, then sits, then stands, then sits...get it?

Today for the first time she used her sippy cup all by herself! We started giving it to her about 3months ago and she gets the concept and knows she'll get a drink, but she hasn't mastered the whole tipping-it idea. She would pick up the cup and put the spout in her mouth and that's it. If you tried to tip it for her, she would let go of the cup...but she would drink if you tipped it for her. So today at dinner she tipped it up all by herself and drank from it!

Yes it's so fun seeing her grow and change so much so fast....but....

this stage is hard too.

She's starting to "flex" her independency muscles in many ways. Lots of things are now a protest-getting in the carseat, getting in her highchair, naps and bedtime. She puts up a stink for all of those now where before she didn't mind.

I heard that as soon as they are able to stand, that naps/bedtime becomes a challenge. Yeah, they're right about that. Avery typically is good about going to bed-we had her cry it out months ago and since then she napped and went to bed pretty well for us. Now she protests like a champ. Tonight she was soooo tired-she didn't nap very long at all today. So I took her up almost an hour early for bed (she was already digging at her eyes). I nursed her and as soon as I put her in bed, she stood up and screamed her head off. And all I could do was leave the room. She cried for a good half hour then finally passed out. After months of not hearing her cry, it's hard to get back into that again. I hope this stage of protest goes by fast....I'm not a fan!

She's lucky she's so cute!! Haha!



eating cheerios:

A short dance clip:
most

Entertaining the "beast"

Avery was in a mood today-a not-so-good-mood. She was very whiny and crying a lot today, which she normally doesn't do. Yesterday she woke up from her nap with a stuffed up nose so I don't know if that is bothering her. Or if it's her non-existant teeth doing something? She normally doesn't fuss unless she's tired or hungry, so something must have been bothering her today. She did get better in the evening, which was nice. This is when I wish they could talk and tell you what's wrong with them. It's frustrating not knowing how to help them!

So I took some pics of her today since I was trying a lot of new things to entertain her and distract her a few minutes here and there.
Pushing up high on her stomach:

She loves seeing herself in the mirror:


Teeny tiny toes:


I attempted giving her some ice in one of those mesh feeders and she was pretty interested in it. Not sure if it was soothing somehow or if it was the newness of it that interested her:



Today we also tried a new veggie...peas! She ate the first 2 spoonfuls without a reaction, then we got the winner!

Two Month Checkup

We just got home from Avery's two month doctor's appointment. She is currently 23 1/4 inches long and is in the 80th percentile for height. She weighs in at 11lbs 5.5 oz and is in the 60th percentile for weight. The doctor said she looks nice and healthy which is always good news!

Unfortunately at her appointment, she had to get her first round of shots! I was dreading it but thankfully it went a lot better than I expected. After the doctor looked at her, he sent the nurse in (the "shot experts" according to him) to do the shots. They first gave her tylenol which she sucked right down because it's sweet. Then she had an oral vaccine which she had to drink-again she sucked it down. The nurse said she thinks it's sweet as well, but hasn't tried it herself (too expensive!). She said every kid sucks it right down so it must taste good. Now if only the vitamin makers could figure that out....

Then came the shots-she had to get three of them today. One blessing was that the nurse was fast, and I mean fast! I think she had all three done before Avery let out her scream! Once the first one hit, she held her breath and got beet red (tomato faced as the nurse said). Then she let out a scream like I've never heard before! By the time she screamed, the nurse was done so I just scooped her up and held her a few minutes and she settled down pretty well. I had to put her back down to dress her which made her scream some more. She took her pacifier and calmed down very nicely. By the time I got her in her carseat and out to make her next appointment, she was fine. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and is still sleeping now. I just hope she's not cranky the rest of the day!
Here she is showing off her bandaids during a diaper change:

Little Things....

Sometimes it's the little things in life that smack you in the face and give you perspective on life. This site is one of them. Today I had another one happen. I was at work and started a new patient evaluation. We got chit chatting and I asked how her summer was going (like I do with almost every patient). Her response? "Not too good." I didn't ask anything because I was afraid of what I'd hear. She offered up "I just found out my niece has stage 4 cancer." Yes, stage 4-really bad. The conversation continued and I found out that she's 26. She had a mole removed several years ago that was cancerous then was declared cancer free. She later found a lump in her breast that was also removed. So I asked how she found out it was cancer-since it's stage 4 it is pretty far along. I guess she was finding these little bumps under her skin and went for some testing....they found it had spread to her liver, her shoulder socket, etc. Its basically everywhere-it somehow has spared her spine and brain. She went for chemo for awhile and it did nothing. She went for her first radiation treatment this week so they're not sure how that will go. Then on top of it, the girl was engaged (was with the guy 6-7 years) and he dumps her! It just breaks my heart-and I don't know why it touched me as much as it did. I know tons of people get cancer and kids get it, etc. But this for some reason really hit me. Maybe its because she's close to my age. Maybe because it was a complete stranger who opened up to me...a complete stranger to her. I dont know. Let me tell you, I never have cried in front of a patient, but this was close-I really had to concentrate and think of not crying. As I'm writing this, I'm crying. It was just one of those eye opening moments that makes you realize your life is good. Thank God it's Friday.