Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Dreaded Day

Two years ago today would be the dreaded day for me-the first day of school and the end of a nice summer break. That year and the two years prior, I was a teacher. So the first day of school was huge-that knot in your stomach huge. Would the kids like me? Will I be successful with them? Will it be fun? Oh the stress....flash forward to today and it's just another day for me. Except that with most of my friends teaching, and having been in those shoes, it's always kind of a weird day for me. These days, I don't teach-I have a regular year round job.

Do I miss it? I get asked that a lot. The answer-yes and no. Things I miss-the actual teaching of something-knowing that someone is learning something from me. I also miss the time off-who doesn't want to work only 180 days a year?! And to some extent I miss the kids-the good ones that is. There were some that just made your day or made you laugh. I also miss the paycheck. What don't I miss? Oh boy-answering to 1000 different people and making them all happy-parents, kids, team teachers, subject supervisors, administrators. They all wanted to see you do something different and all had different thoughts on your teaching ability. I also don't miss the kids-the brats-there were a few in every class-they just drive you insane and constantly are bad. I don't miss planning, grading, being creative (lord knows I'm the least creative person out there), contacting parents, meetings, etc. And for me, it just didn't seem like a family friendly job. Yeah its great when you have summers off, but during the year-not so much. I'd be at work before 8 everyday and there until 5 on a good day. Come home, eat dinner then grade papers or plan until bed at 10. How do you fit kids into that schedule?

So do I love my non-teaching job? Hmmm...I don't love it. I seriously think I'm one of those people that will never find my true passion in life. I know I'm meant to do something, I just have no idea what. I've never had a job that I loved going to everyday. Nothing I saw myself doing for the rest of my life. Going to college? Yeah, I have my bachelors and my masters but deciding what to even go to school for was a chore. And clearly I didn't make the right decision. I have no idea how to know what I'm supposed to do in life. I'm smart enough (luckily) that I could get through any program you threw at me. Would I love it after? Who knows. I mean, I love to bake, I love makeup and skincare, I loved wedding planning. But if I had to even do those things all day every day, would I love it then? I'm afraid that my "hobbies" would become something I dreaded doing all the time. And the frustrating thing is that at my current job, I've met so many teachers and other people who love their job. And it's tough when you have a husband who loves his job too. I wonder if this type of thing is hereditary? I look at my Mom and she hates her job-yet has no clue what she would do if she wasn't where she is. I'm totally following in her path-I want to like what I do and enjoy work when I go and not care that it's Monday. But maybe that will never happen for me. Maybe I'll always dread Mondays like I dreaded the first day of school.

1 comment:

Katie said...

Hey Colee, I was just perusing your collection of blogs. Holy cow! Where have I been? I didn't realize how much I've missed. I definitely have to check back more often.

I, too, struggled with finding my place in life through a job. I often joked that I was still trying to figure out "what I want to be when I grow up." But then I became a mom. I found my calling in life. Work is just the means, to pay the mortage, save for retirement, etc.

I can completely relate to how you're feeling, trying to figure out your niche. As soon as he took his first breath, I knew - this is why I'm here.